They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There's even glitter on my cock...
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