Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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