i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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