There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
