ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
