I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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