So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
