My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
