Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
