i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
