my vag is so smooth its legendary
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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