Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
