i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want nice things and good sex
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
