She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
