She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
