Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't deserve a penis
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, beer. Big fan.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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