Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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