Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
