Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Text me some of your sweat
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
