My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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