Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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