Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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