4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
