They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
