you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
