So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
BRING THE BAGELS
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
soo... how was my night?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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