The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
