she woke up with a sticky ear
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
