apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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