She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
