You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
