the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
