Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
