So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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