i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
