He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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