I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
