the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
