My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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