at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
