I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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