these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
