Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
