i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize