I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
