I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
