Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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