what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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