Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
