Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
