If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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