I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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