if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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