my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
