I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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