Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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