I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
