i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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