I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
