So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
