Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
