Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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