This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
