no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
