The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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