I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
