wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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