how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
