we're chasing vodka with high fives
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
