the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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