haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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