I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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