Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
