are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
