You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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