Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
