Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
