I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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